Letter to My Younger Self -- What I wish I could have told myself so many years ago.

To My Younger Self,

Happy National Coming Out Day! Look how far we’ve come, eh. You know the saying, “Be who

you needed when you were younger?” Well, I wish I could have been there for you before you

came out, during and for many years after. I wish I had been there when you returned to your

locker in Grade 10 to find the word DYKE written across it. I wish I had been there when that

group of girls told you that you had to dress more feminine in order to hangout with them. I

wish I had been there when your best friend’s mom said you two couldn’t hangout anymore

because she was worried you would somehow make her gay. I wish I had been there when you

got uninvited from a wedding because of who you wanted to bring as your date. I wish I had

been there when your previous girlfriends would introduce you as their friend and when they

refused hold your hand in public because they felt shame. I wish I had been there when your

worst fear was that no one would ever hire you because you wanted to wear a tie to your job

interviews.

I wish I had been there for you, for those moments, because this is what I would have told you

– this is what you needed to know:

You will grow up to be a strong, tenacious, intelligent and compassionate woman who fights for

the voiceless and pursues her passions relentlessly. You will be undeniable. You will love and be

loved deeply – because of who you are and not because of who you may love. All the things

that make you “weird” + “different”, those are the things you will grow to love most about

yourself. What society thinks about you is not an accurate portrayal of who you are or your

character. The disrespectful, unkind, and often disgusting, things that people may say, and do,

to you – those are purely a reflection of who those individuals are and you are not responsible

for any of it. It is not your fault. It is also not your job to fix them.

I would have told you that despite all the pain, the overthinking, the crippling anxiety, mistrust

and self-doubt, you will live to see all your dreams come true – with some hard work of course.

Standing beside you on those days will be the people who love you, the people who choose to

be there. They choose you and you choose them. The people who go out the night before your

job interviews and buy you every single tie from the store [– I love you, Mom]. I would have

told you to come out earlier because, while some people may disappoint you, others may

surprise you and show you more love than you ever thought possible – your Mom, Dad,

brothers/sisters/chosen mums/dads/brothers/sisters/friends, etc.

One day, you will realize you can have a positive impact on others, simply by being kind and

speaking up, and you will take full advantage. All it takes is one kind person, one nice thing said

and one good deed that might change someone’s life and pull them out of the despair they

never thought they could escape. Recognize the immense power you have and never look back.

Make your life, and the lives of those around you, beautiful.

I would have told you that coming out, being gay, being “different”, being WHATEVER was one

of the best things that could have ever happened to you, because:

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else, that is

the greatest accomplishment.

For all the awards, accolades and praise you will earn – I promise that it won’t compare to the

pride you feel in being consistently, and unapologetically, yourself.

So, my dear younger, much less wiser self – you can rest easy now, you can finally let go. I’ve

got this.

Love,

Older, wiser, Grace Patricia McDonell

P.S. And to you all – be who you needed when you were younger. Be unapologetically yourself. Be

undeniable. I can guarantee that is the best, kindest, version of yourself. Diversity is your

strength, but passion is your power.