"My proudest moment is simply when I show up.
You see, I have severe anxiety. Recently, my therapist told me that I'm a ball of anxiety and hope. I worry all the time about all the things. All the different scenarios. I worry about things that people don't even think about. I think about all of the "what-ifs?". All the possibilities. Good and bad. So, simply showing up sometimes takes all the effort that I could possibly muster.
Here's the thing about simply showing up: if I show up, I know that I can handle whatever I am showing up for. In my 35, oh-so-graceful years, I've survived some tough times. I've had to show up and deal with my worst fears coming true. I have 3 great kids, but went through a lot of tough moments just to bring them into the world. I've had 3 c-sections and recoveries. I've had 3 miscarriages and showed up to every single appointment knowing that I'd wouldn't be the same person when I left. All 3 of my babies are rainbow babies. Showing up to deal with life is hard work.
I have moments when my anxiousness wins and I don't show up. There are a few people in my life who truly understand the valiant effort it takes just to go do-the-thing. My husband is my support network. We are best friends. He's seen me at my worst and at my best. He is my sounding board when I need to work out racing thoughts. He is a man that looks at my tear-streaked face and says that he just wants me to figure out how to be happy. So, that's what I've been working on for a few years now. Running after and chasing daydreams. Showing up to life to find out what makes me happy.
Here's the other thing about simply showing up: the act itself will take you on some great adventures and give you unforgettable memories. I like to run as far as possible as often as possible. I work out a lot of my anxieties by pounding the pavement with running shoes. During some runs, my mind is free to work through a problem. During other runs, when adulthood is just a little bit too much, I give myself permission to simply run. No thinking. Just music and moving one foot in front of the other.
Training for races gives structure to my running schedule. The medals are pretty cool too. The energy at the start line is palpable. And, I know if I can simply show up to the start line, I will eventually show up at the finish line. Showing up to the start line has taken me to the Hill Country to run 200-ish nearly sleepless miles. Showing up to the start line has taken me to the mountains of southern California. I've seen parts of Houston, Austin, Denver, and Fort Worth that I would never have gotten to see if I didn't show up at the start line. Showing up to the start line means that I didn't overthink my way out of the experience.
I am learning to be proud of myself for simply showing up." -Jules
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